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A Letter To Every Young Girl | If He Won’t, Someone Else Will

Dear whom it may concern,

You deserve the best. I mean it with all my heart, with all my soul. A soul mate; someone who we are beyond thrilled to meet. We are thrilled to know where we will meet them, how we will meet them and most importantly, what they are like. We wonder if we will meet them in college or in a place we aren’t even aware exists yet. In the absolutely cheesiest way possible, we are thrilled to know whose name will be beside ours on our wedding invitations, whose name will be beside ours on our child’s birth certificate, whose pillow will be beside ours come morning. We are thrilled to know our soul mate, but let’s start being thrilled without anxiety. Let’s start being thrilled while resting in who our God is. Let’s be thrilled knowing that if they are indeed our soul mate, our souls will indeed mate.

We love to fall in love. We love to be liked, to be noticed, to be desired. I am not talking about young girls in general. I am not even talking about women in general. I am talking about human beings in general. We love to love and even more, love to be loved. Our problem today is that we are settling. We are settling for men that hold doors behind them instead of in front of them. We are settling for surface level relationships when we should be seeking deeper conversations, deeper moments. We are settling for, “talking,” for “things” when we should have an, “if you know, you know, let’s do something about this or I’ll be on my way,” kind of mindset. We are texting. We are snapchatting. We are liking each others’ Instagram posts. Let’s not settle for social media flirtation. If they really like you, they will like the real you more than the social media you. We are settling for a twenty-first century relationship when we should be seeking an everlasting love.

We should not be throwing in the towel simply because we realize they snort when they laugh, sing too loudly in the car or snore when they sleep. We are people. We are a lovely mess and masterpiece all at once. We should not be expecting a man without flaws, as he should not be expecting a woman without them. We should not be giving up because we are fighting every once in a while. Because in every relationship worth something, there will be fights about anything and everything. We should not be giving up because the other person in the relationship is simply human. We should not be expecting a perfect man, but a respectable and loving one.

We should be expecting a gentleman. We should be expecting men who come from women who have raised them right and not settling for anything less. We should be expecting treatment fueled from our God’s love for us and not our generation’s standards. There is no perfect man out there, but if it is in the Lord’s plan for you to be provided fellowship through marriage, there is man who will be imperfectly perfect for you. There is a laugh that will create a beautiful harmony when aligned with yours. There are eyes that will tear up when they view you in a white dress. There are hands that will hold you when you have had enough and feet that will dance with you in the kitchen on a Monday night.

Marriage is not promised to us in any way but my point is to not date anyone you would not marry, to not date anyone who you would not gladly spend the rest of your days with. Perhaps marriage was not in the cards we were dealt by heavenly hands but if we had created relationships out of real Love, real vulnerability and real respect for both ourselves and the one we loved, we cannot regret. If we refused to settle and it did not work out, so be it. To be alone and not have settled is far greater than to have settled at all. So when I say, “Someone else will,” I do not necessarily mean marriage is individually engraved in our hearts. I mean that if we are at interested in being wed one day, we should not waste our time on men who treat us like we are unworthy of love.

Love is a two way street. We should be treated how we have desired to be treated throughout our whole lives and also be willing to return this treatment to them as well. You cannot expect a breathtaking love story if he is the only one writing it, nor should he expect one if you are the only author. Don’t believe the lies the world tries to tell you when you begin to believe that a kind, passionate and Christ like man is unrealistic. Do not believe them when they tell you, you are living in a fantasy world, because you crave a more meaningful relationship than the rest of the world. You simply have higher standards than the others and you will one day see the great gift of high standards convert into a high valued relationship.

Relationships end. We cannot be looking forward to a full life while simultaneously looking forward to a life of no heartbreak, no heartbreaking and no lessons learned. They end, you cry, you hurt, you go on. . They often end solely because it was not meant to be. Maybe your senses of humor do not line up. That’s no one’s fault. Maybe you’re too outgoing for him. That’s no one’s fault. On the other hand, relationships have the potential of ending when one or two involved in the relationship were not putting in their best effort. There is the option of settling when you are putting in 100% while he is putting in 20% at most. There is the option of seeing what is in front of you, being too scared that no one else will love you like they do, and staying out of fear. When you settle, your sadness, your absence of fulfillment, your emptiness is no longer his problem, it is yours. Yes, blunt and rough; it is yours. We can blame others mistakes and lack of love on them, but when we stay in these places of comfort, we are hurting ourselves more.

You do not deserve a twenty-first century relationship. You don’t deserve a relationship centered on read receipts or likes on social media. You deserve a relationship centered on Love, a relationship centered on something greater than the two of you combined. You do not deserve to be cheated on, under any circumstances, ever. You deserve someone who would never think of leaving you, seriously. You deserve to be appreciated, not judged for the intelligent, beautiful, worthy of love, human that you are. You don’t deserve to be embarrassed by rude tipping habits. You deserve to be proud of all that your partner is. You do not deserve to feel like the only one in the relationship. You deserve to feel like there is another person, also putting 100% in on the other side. You don’t deserve a car honk or a text. You deserve a doorbell ring. You do not deserve to be treated less than. You deserve to be treated like the most important human in the world.

Do not sell yourself short. Do not be afraid. No matter how hard that is to believe, God’s greatest gifts are upgrades. Know that if he won’t, someone else will. If he won’t treat you like you believe you should be and desire to be treated, that does not mean that no one ever will. You should not feel like you are settling at any point. If you are settling, you are better off alone. If he is unfaithful, you are better off alone. If he is treating you in a way below your expectations and your standards, you are better off alone.

Know that if he isn’t kind to waiters, there is someone who is. If he doesn’t shake hands and make good eye contact, there is someone who does. If he doesn’t pull your chair out for you, someone else will. If he cancels on you often, there is someone who will be there ten minutes early. If he is constantly red faced and yelling, there is someone who finds no need to do so. If he doesn’t walk you to the door because it is too outdated, know there is someone who believes the exact opposite. If he doesn’t remember small details, know there is a relationship in which you will find yourself surprised as to how much they know about you. If he doesn’t go out of his way, know there is someone else who will.

If you wouldn’t marry them, don’t date them. That’s one of my biggest pieces of advice from my seventeen-year-old single self. If you wouldn’t want to wake up to their face personality, each day, seven days a week, for the rest of your life, don’t waste your time now. If you wouldn’t want your kids to be just like them, don’t waste your time now. Wait for someone you would never associate the word, “settle,” with. Wait instead of settling. Wait because there is someone who will look at you in a way you didn’t know was possible. Wait because there is something greater, a relationship between soul mates, and not just, “loved to be loved,” young people. Wait because there is someone who would never allow you to settle. Wait because if he won’t, someone else will.

Connected Letter: A Letter To Every Young Man
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31 Comments

  • Alyssa December 6, 2015 at 2:39 am

    thank you, I needed this <3

  • Arianna Shuster December 7, 2015 at 2:33 am

    This is what every human being on this earth needs to hear. You are absolutely 100% correct. I love this song much and I think I’m going to have to live by this.

  • Peyton December 7, 2015 at 6:56 am

    This was truly mind opening. I really caught the part where she said she was only 17 years old. This article should be seen by all human beings out there!

  • Heather Thomas December 7, 2015 at 9:02 am

    This hit me right at home. Probably one of the most genuine post I’ve come upon.

  • shania December 8, 2015 at 1:11 am

    This is something I absolutely needed to hear right now. It actually brought me to tears. Going through a break up is one of the worst things people go through. There are so many days when I think it would be so much easier if we were just back together and I just settle for “good enough.” thanks for this. You’re absolutely right.

  • Devon December 8, 2015 at 2:32 am

    You have the biggest heart! Never stop writing

  • Molly December 8, 2015 at 3:42 am

    Having had the love of my life propose, plan and then out of the blue cancel the wedding; THIS is what I needed to hear!!! What my heart knew all along but hid it from me! I hope that EVERY girl who’s heart is shattered like mine, finds herself reading this someday soon!!!! Thank You!

    • Paris December 9, 2015 at 4:00 am

      There was no proposal, just a lot of promises and plans that I never thought would end. My heart hurts sometimes, and I’m so ready to be over him. I’m noticing that I became so frustrated and angry bc I was putting in 100% and he only gave 75%. I’m ready to love again and be with my soul mate. I’m just trying to have the patience.

      I hope you’re healing well, I can only imagine your hurt.

  • Meghan December 8, 2015 at 4:29 am

    As a 17 year old myself, this really hit me. It really made me realize so much and was one of the most real pieces I’ve read! AMAZING!!! I sent to all my friends!!

  • tinyurl.com December 8, 2015 at 8:58 am

    Hello there! This is kind of off topic but I need some guidance from an established blog.

    Is it tough to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick.

    I’m thinking about setting up my own but I’m not
    sure where to start. Do you have any tips or suggestions?
    Thanks

    • Brooke Putney December 8, 2015 at 12:24 pm

      Hi! It definitely takes some time to get your blog looking exactly how you want, but WordPress makes it very easy to set up in the first place. If you are just starting out, I would not pay for anything at first and use a free theme that you can choose from when you set up a WordPress, which are actually really awesome and I used for a long time. I have used other platforms before but believe WP is the easier route to go and fairly easy to get the hang of when you first start out! Best of luck in your blogging!

  • Jessica Lewis December 8, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    I love this! It is so important to keep your end-goals in mind and not to be swayed by what culture is telling us. Thank you for this post!

  • JiJi December 8, 2015 at 2:45 pm

    Hit me right at home. Every person needs to read this. Thank you for this!

  • Phillip December 8, 2015 at 9:26 pm

    I’m a guy reading this, and honestly I relate to the non guy side on this one…kind of odd, but sound advice. Thanks

  • Erin December 8, 2015 at 9:39 pm

    This eloquently said what I needed to her right now. I was in a 5 year relationship that I did in fact “setttle” for. I had become stuck and honestly thought that the hints I put up with was “love”. I am 23 and it took me this long to realize that I honestly do deserve everything that I want in my future. I started to feel sad about the history that he and I had, but after reading this (and 7 months later) I am so much stronger and do not miss the ridiculous arguments, the disrespect and mental break downs, I am looking for that man who DOES want what he did not. Thank you so much for this letter. It was a true confidence and mental booted I needed.

  • Taylor December 9, 2015 at 1:14 am

    This is so spot on. EVERY girl needs to read this. Jesus spoke through you with this one and I am so happy I stumbled upon it.

  • Creece December 9, 2015 at 1:22 am

    I thoroughly enjoyed this. Is there anyway you can write ths for a man or know of a good blog for men? Sometimes, we as men have to realize that there is a point when we have to let a woman go if she just doesn’t want to or can’t give her heart to us as we are so willing to give.

    • Brooke Putney December 9, 2015 at 2:47 am

      Hello! My most recent blog post is for men and their perspective. Thanks for reading!

  • Jennifer December 9, 2015 at 3:32 am

    Oh my gosh. I am so glad I came across this. Literally in tears right now! The struggle, though it may seem quite small to some, has been very real and this has given me hope, peace, and, I don’t know, something to be inspired, excited and motivated about. I am going to read this over and over to allow it to sink in and I just wanted to thank you for sharing these thoughts. Thank you for the truth in this that we need to remind ourselves of every day. It’s so easy to forget that God is in control and we should NOT worry if He is in control of our lives! We need to protect our hearts, not give them away to anybody and every body! So thank you again; you don’t know how this has hit home for me. God bless,

    Jennifer~

  • Rylee Davino December 9, 2015 at 7:19 am

    Hi Brooke! I just want to applaud you for this beautifully written post and I also wanted to thank you because this spoke to my heart. It is so hard to wait for the right guy but I’m always reminded that God is writing this ultimate love story and it will all be worth it! Thanks for encouraging me!

  • old husband/father/engineer December 9, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    Impressive insight from a 17 year old.
    It is unfortunate that some may miss your point -noted in the beginning, that this doesn’t apply only to girls/ladies. The obligation to be that person for your mate is upon both partners, but unfortunately, the temptation of “it’s all about me” will prevent some from seeing that.
    Still, your words will undoubtedly be helpful to those who may confuse humility, generosity, and service with “settling”.
    At the wedding of one of my daughters, I offered the advice that “A man or woman who doesn’t think of the family as their greatest accomplishment above things like a career, house, car, boat, etc. – deserves to lose them all in a courtroom.”
    That applies to both partners -and is both an obligation, and something that you shouldn’t “settle for less”. Best wishes and keep up the writing.

  • Ruth December 9, 2015 at 4:52 pm

    Really hurting right now. Been in a relationship for almost 9 years, and I can’t imagine marrying him at this point. I feel so stuck, because he constantly reminds me of everything he’s done to support me and says I’ve done nothing for him. Apparently the intentional things I’ve done don’t count. I gave everything I had to give, but since it wasn’t money I guess it was not good enough. Everything he’s done and given has a dollar sign for him. I did settle, for “better than before,” and I have no one to blame but myself. The guilt trip is enormous every time I try to end it, and I always allow myself to get drawn back in. Pray for strength and wisdom.

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